Hello everyone,
I hope your October is off to a good start. We will be on the road again soon, visiting family and forsaking our work and school responsibilities for the better part of a week.
At the moment, I’m reading a book about the origins of the Thanksgiving holiday. I’m holding off on buying my decorative pumpkins until next week because I expect them to last straight through to Thanksgiving.
In case your mother didn’t teach you like mine did me, I will tell you that the most important things about decorative pumpkins are weird lumps and discolorations. We do not want ones that look like they came from a factory. Also, a good stem is critical.
The Part Where There’s an Essay: Everyone a Little Dissatisfied
Recently I was chatting with some friends about staying in relationship “over the long haul.” Whether it be in a friendship, a marriage, a family relationship, or in fellowship with a body of believers, Christians struggle just as much as anyone else to be at peace with one another— and themselves.
Perhaps it will surprise you to know that those older Christians at your church — the ones that seem so steady, so secure — still have hiccups in relationships at church. There are still hard conversations, hard adjustments, and decisions that don’t go the way they want. Someone who has stayed at a church for a long time has done their fair share of peacemaking, whether that be with other people or within themselves. It’s probably a fair combination of both. If we are to “aim for restoration” (2 Corinthians 13:11), that will take some homework on our part.
As I have matured in church life, I think I’ve gotten better at living “a little dissatisfied.” This is a phrase we sometimes jokingly use in my marriage. Let me explain. My husband grew up in the midwest and has a meat-and-potatoes palate. I grew up in New England and could eat fish or shellfish every day if it were an option. Our family table, over two decades, has struck a balance to please both of us. But neither of us has exactly what we want all the time. We’re both just a little dissatisfied.
And sure — there are times when I (the cook) indulge one or the other of us, and we have a full meal preferring the palate of one or the other. But more often than not, it’s a happy medium between the two of us.
If we are looking out for the interests of others (Philippians 2:4), we are not going to get what we want all the time. I’d even go so far to say that if we are getting what we want all the time, something is wrong with the relationship. Perhaps we are blind to the fact that we’re not the only people to please.
I’ve heard a tale of a church leader who, when he is working on the music the congregation will sing, tries to strike this proper balance to the diverse nature of his church and community. He admits that every Sunday, everyone in that church is probably a little bit bugged by one of the songs — every Sunday! But the thing is: the song that is bothersome to four-decade church lady on pew two is not the same one that bothers newly-converted twentysomething from two blocks over. They’re both a little dissatisfied. And that means the songs were serving everyone — and the leader has done his job.
This story always makes me chuckle, because once you grasp the heart behind it, it’s not that surprising that the song list is a little off-kilter in one person’s ears. Because it’s not just for them.
Music and food are easy examples, because all of us have preferences that run pretty deeply in those areas. But the same principle ought to apply to most methods in our churches. Christians have different preferences, gifts, and passions. It’s how God has made us, and we are stronger as a result.
If we outdo one another in showing honor (Romans 12:10), it means we’re going to be just a little bit dissatisfied a lot of the time.
For the Anglophiles
You probably saw that the Sycamore Gap tree, the tree that sat next to Hadrian’s Wall in Northumberland, was cut down by a vandal last week — a ridiculous, senseless thing to do. Here’s a photo essay of the tree.
Reads & Listens of the Week
Tim Keller’s Gospel in Life podcast has been running a really nice series on marriage recently. It starts right here.
From First Things: We Are Repaganizing. “Whether we like it or not, we cannot place the protection of the vulnerable at the heart of our ethical system without reaching the conclusion that the unborn child ought not to be killed.”
A refreshing approach to care for low-income pregnant women in Detroit. “It’s a family practice, and if Mom needs to be there for a few hours with her five kids, there will be healthy snacks, tutoring, mentoring, and arts and crafts as the clinic develops. And when you walk in, the first thing you see is a chapel, so no one will be afraid to pray (including asking for prayer), as might be the case at a federally qualified health center.”
We Know the Cure for Loneliness. So Why Do We Suffer? “The steps to tackle loneliness aren’t grand, high-tech or expensive. In fact, one of the strategies is simply to get people back into old-fashioned patterns like eating meals together, holding parties and volunteering to help one another out.”
Piglet noticed that even though he had a very small heart, it could hold a rather large amount of gratitude. —A.A. Milne
Our church has a similar philosophy! The pastor often says (more tongue in cheek) that if no one leaves perfectly happy with everything, we’ve done our job.
Loved this, Kelly. A reminder to keep a check on my consumerist mindset. It also makes me think of what we read in Discipling - viewing every element of Sunday morning as a way to do spiritual good to others.