On the Common 078
Beautiful blooms and given gifts.
Hi everyone,
I will most likely have some things to say about Tim Keller sometime soon, but for now, if you’d like to read some really wonderful remembrances of him, search on the hashtag #ThankYouTimKeller on Twitter.
The Part Where There’s an Essay: Being Bad at Something, Part II
(continued from last week)
I have a dear friend who is a middle school teacher, and she loves it. (God bless middle school teachers -- they are a special breed.) She is hilarious, bright, and just the right amount of vulnerable with her students. But no matter how close she becomes to the students and their families, one frustration persists. Every year, she has a steady stream of parents coming to her classroom and asking why their child did not receive an A for the term.
In her mind, an A in her English class would indicate an extraordinary achievement in the class. If you take apart the word “extraordinary,” it tells you exactly what my teacher friend says to her parents: it is out of the ordinary. But most of the parents, she reports, desire that their children be recognized as extraordinary achievers in all areas of their schooling! So a student who is excelling in math is also expected to get an A in her English class. Unfortunately -- and here I will end before I get on my education soapbox -- what this teaches more often than not is for students to be good at being in school and taking tests. It does not give an indication of a person’s natural gifting, nor does it develop them as critical thinkers or lovers of virtue. Can we give students the freedom to be bad at something?
How is this possible that we desire for a child to have all the gifts, all the time? We do not usually demand this of adults. My husband loves math. He loves making spreadsheets, to the extent that I often joke that his love language is spreadsheets. If we need to make a big decision, we make a spreadsheet. If I want to pitch a home-improvement idea, I make him a spreadsheet. We even made a spreadsheet when we were trying to pick a name for the puppy we adopted. This is how David’s mind operates: he loves numbers and the order they bring to the universe!
I, on the other hand, am the one who wakes up on Saturday morning at 5:30 with ideas for essays swirling in my mind. I cannot determine what I think about something until I write about it. Almost every night, as we lay in bed reading, I read something out loud to David. This is how my mind operates: I love words and the beauty they bring to the universe!
Apart from feeling sorry for us and the challenges this difference inevitably brings to our marriage, what can you learn from this? We don’t excel in all areas, but we recognize the strengths of others. Rather than grumbling about the other person’s perceived lack of ability in one area, we can embrace the strength they bring in another. If you hired us to plan a party for you, you would want David in charge of the budget and receipts, and me in charge of the decorations and entertainment.
However, since humans are gifted and talented in some areas, they also lack gifts in other areas. This concept should not be surprising to us, but I find that most people think they’re the only ones who aren’t good at something. They are embarrassed. They feel “less than,” and convince themselves that they are not worthy of all of the multi-talented people around them.
Here’s a reassurance from Scripture that you are not the only one -- that, in fact, all of us possess only certain gifts, by design:
14 For the body does not consist of one member but of many. 15 If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. 16 And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. 17 If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell? 18 But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. 19 If all were a single member, where would the body be? 20 As it is, there are many parts, yet one body.
21 The eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you,” nor again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.” 22 On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, 23 and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor, and our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, 24 which our more presentable parts do not require. But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, 25 that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. 26 If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.
27 Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it.
But the fact that we possess only certain gifts, when taken to its logical conclusion, means that it’s also God’s design that we lack certain gifts. We are not supposed to have all of them. In fact, to attempt to possess all of the gifts would be rebellion against God’s design for the Body.
Does that make you feel free? I hope it does. You’re not supposed to do everything well. There are so many places where you can be a help to your community just by showing up and being willing to serve and learn. This is the way it’s designed to be. Those things you do, do with all your heart. But stop trying to be a specialist in everything.
The thing about trying to be a specialist in every area of life -- that’s perfectionism. And there are two things we must understand about perfectionism. One, we live under grace and not under the law. To hold yourself to some kind of perfect standard smacks of legalism, thinking that we can attain righteousness on our own. You’re attempting to make up some “new law” and achieve a definition of righteousness by your own works. They may not be the works that the first-century Pharisees celebrated, but they are just as fruitless as a way to God. Jesus came to do away with the need for trying to achieve perfection. He achieved it on our behalf, so we have nothing to prove -- and we wouldn’t be able to do it, anyway.
The other thing about perfectionism is, it actually leads to less achievement. That sounds backward, but here’s what I mean. Most people who struggle with perfectionism (I am one) will tell you that as soon as they get an idea of how something ought to be done, they freeze. They have such lofty ideals about the proper way to do something, that they know that they can’t possibly achieve it, so why try? Perfectionists are also some of the worst procrastinators in the world. Lots of times, they just don’t show up rather than showing up imperfectly.
So in our example above about the person who shows up with a bag of chips for a small group snack, a perfectionist might not show up at all. What if someone judges them for poor planning? Or poor snack choice? Or for their lack of healthy choices? It’s probably best to stay home and preserve your reputation as a perfect snack picker and maker.
With that last sentence, I hope you’ve seen that perfectionism is a symptom of pride. The thought that we ought to preserve our reputation instead of being faithful to our commitments is rooted in pride. If you’re living a normally committed life, there are going to be times when you forget things. There are going to be times when you do things badly, simply because you’re a human and not God. Be encouraged -- you’re no different from anyone else.
For the Anglophiles
The Chelsea Flower Show is going on this week! You can see some beautiful photos here.
Reads & Listens of the WeekH
Here’s a story about CTE and how it affected one group of Harvard athletes. “A little before closing time, Daigle posed a question to the group: If you had known then what you know now about football, the game that had brought them all together, would you play?”
Ukrainians Aren’t Dancing on TikTok. Chris Martin gives us some needed perspective on security, needs, and social media. “No one dances on TikTok when their life is in danger. “
I loved this interview with Chapel Hill historian Molly Worthen. She gives an account of her exploration of the Evangelical faith, her disdain for the suburban megachurch (“you cannot exaggerate how snobby a high church person I always was”), and how she somehow ended up a member at one of the biggest: The Summit, in Raleigh, NC.
I usually refer to Ben Shive as the “secret sauce” behind so many good things happening in Nashville. He wrote the arrangement for Andrew Peterson’s Behold the Lamb of God; he is the producer to The Grey Havens, JJ Heller, Sandra McCracken, Slugs and Bugs Music, and most recently the Gettys. Besides being stupid talented, he is also an all-around good dude, husband, father, and elder at his church. He was interviewed on The Habit this week.
If you were a hundred times worse than you are, your sins would be no match for his mercy. - Tim Keller
This essay is spot on. Thank you for your words + encouragement!